“Hiya, How was your girls night out? D’you get blootered, as usual?”
“You came back!”
“What do you mean, came back? I haven’t been anywhere!”
“That’s not remotely funny when you’ve been gone for 5 days. D’you realise the police have you logged as a missing person? I’ve been frantic. Put flyers on lamp-posts. Messages on Facebook. Where the hell have you been?”
“What on earth are you on about?! I went to work last night, as usual, and I’ve just come back, as usual. That must’ve been some hen night!”
“You went to work, yes, but that wasn’t last night, it was 5 days ago. Where have you been? Who have you been with? Who is she?”
“This is ridiculous! Check with work. They’ll tell you.”
“I did. Your so-called mates admitted you haven’t been to work all week, so that story is blown to hell isn’t it. D’you know the police wouldn’t accept a missing person report for 48 hours, but they’ve been going door-to-door since Wednesday. They’ve even looked up in the loft to make sure you weren’t up there! Probably checking I haven’t done you in! If you’re going to keep this up I might consider it!
“Oh, for Christ’s sake! I don’t understand what you’re on about, but I’m too tired to be bothered with the ravings of a hungover paranoid schizo. I’m on shift again tonight, so I’m going to bed. To be honest, if you’re still playing this lunatic game when I get up I think you should see the doctor and get some stronger pills, ‘cos the ones you’re on are obviously not working!”
“Me see the doctor? Me see the doctor?! I’m not the one who can’t explain where he’s been for the last five days!”
Later, somewhere else.
“He just breezed in as if nothing had happened. I was beginning to think he’d left me, and he had the brass neck to accuse me of being paranoid. I don’t know what to do.”
“What about his work? Won’t they at least dock his pay? Hard to deny that.”
“Nah. He gets paid into his own account. Anyway, it’s a massive place. Supervisors are all on the take and they don’t care as long as the work gets done. His mates will have bunged them a few quid and covered for him. Probably spun some family emergency yarn.”
“You’ll have to tell the police. I can imagine what they’ll think. Possessive wife on anti-depressants, husband out on the tiles, a bit on the side, she’s trying to get him into trouble. Even if he got abducted by aliens you wouldn’t be able call on them again.”
“I’d better take down the flyers as well. It’s so embarrassing. I can’t stand it; I have to do something. Maybe I should see the quack. D’you think I’m going nuts?”
Later still, at home.
“There, all nice and tidy now. It wasn’t too messy in the bathroom, really easily cleaned up. That wet wall stuff is quite the thing isn’t it? I’m really glad we had a walk-in shower installed. So much more convenient. Now, a few doubled-up bin bags and up in the loft you go. Well, some of you, anyway. I can put a few of your smaller bits down to the dump. No more awkward absences to explain or lie about. Everyone will just think you’ve done one, finally escaped from your mental clinging wife. Half of them will secretly approve.”
Even later still, someone and somewhere entirely different
“I don’t think the mission is going too well. We need to change the study parameters. Perhaps five earth days is too long to hold them. These humans are just too unpredictable.